


Suffering

by foreverplier



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, mark fischbach - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, btw tw on both chapters!, this is a two-shot btw, v sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverplier/pseuds/foreverplier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a YouTuber isn’t always fun and games. There’s a lot of hard work and sleepless days poured into their videos. Sometimes, the stress of being relied on and the responsibility you have to millions of people can get overwhelming, serving as the greatest test of resistance to ever be placed upon a human’s shoulders. Some survive through hard work and the support of their communities; others, however, fall into an endless spiral, never to be dug out again. This was the state in which Mark Fischbach found himself in on a rainy April day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that just appeared in my mind during the day and I just had to write it. There's some dark topic in this fic, so if you're sensitive to all that, here's your warning!
> 
> To the rest of you, happy suffering :)

Being a YouTuber isn’t always fun and games. There’s a lot of hard work and sleepless days poured into their videos. Sometimes, the stress of being relied on and the responsibility you have to millions of people can get overwhelming, serving as the greatest test of resistance to ever be placed upon a human’s shoulders. Some survive through hard work and the support of their communities; others, however, fall into an endless spiral, never to be dug out again. This was the state in which Mark Fischbach found himself in on a rainy April day.

The American had just released his latest Happy Wheels video, finally being able to sit back and relax after three hours of editing and uploading his newest addition to the ever-growing list of videos. His silence didn’t last, however, as he heard the distant bark of his beloved dog. Silently rolling his eyes in a playful demeanor, he sighed and got up his seat. Stretching, he let out a content sigh as his back popped into place. Walking out of the room and down the stairs, Mark heard the familiar chatter of Matt and Ryan in the kitchen. Apparently, Matt had bought yet _another_ figurine online and was currently showing it to a slightly pissed Ryan. Chuckling a bit to himself, Mark decided he wouldn’t get in the middle of their friendly banter. Walking over to where the barking was, he opened the yard door and let the soaked bodies of Chica and Lego inside the warmth of the house. Picking up a nearby towel, the American got to work on drying the slightly shivering dogs.

While he was busy getting rid of all the water puddling around the small area, however, a certain thought crossed in his mind that he never thought would come to reside in the confines of his brain again.

 

‘ _What would happen if I suddenly disappeared one day?’_

It was a shock he would even be thinking about that again, no less at a time where he was peacefully playing with the house dogs. But the thought just wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he tried to think about something else; his brain was just too enthralled by the idea of him disappearing without a trace. Ideas swarmed around him, thoughts and actions he could take were swimming around in his head as if they were always allowed to be there. However, one stuck out from the rest like a sore thumb.

 

_‘What if I didn’t **just** disappear, but died in an “accident”..?’_

That one did it for him. He stopped what he was doing completely and fled up to his room, only hearing the disappointed whines from the two dogs and concerned glances from Ryan and Matt. As he locked the door, all he could hear was the thrumming in his chest and the rain tapping against his window.

These occurrences were happening more and more frequently with the disturbed American. Thoughts that were either too dark or depressing would sometimes lodge themselves into his brain on the most random of moments, making him stop whatever he was doing and question his sanity. He sometimes had to stop his recordings halfway because a _very_ graphic thought would pass through his mind. He was never one to be so negative, so these events were gradually taking a toll on his tired mind. He had once gone as far as _obeying_ his thoughts, but he felt so wrong doing the action that his mind blanked, and he fell unconscious.

Calming his racing heart and looking over to his computer screen, he had the sudden strong urge to cry. He was failing his fans for not being the positive and outgoing Mark they knew. Ignoring the tiny voice that said he was wrong and everyone loved him, Mark shut off his computer and threw himself onto his bed, crying himself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, he awoke to the sound of birds chirping and the Sun hitting his face. He had dried tear tracks on his face, but he didn’t care. All the American wanted to do was curl up into a ball and lay on his bed all day. However, his schedule didn’t allow him that liberty. He had videos to record and fans to please. He, albeit reluctantly, slowly crawled out of the confines of his comfy bed.

Starting his morning routine, he tried to avoid Matt and Ryan as much as possible. He debated in his mind if he should record anything in his state of mind, and decided against the idea of showing his fans the state in which he found himself in. He instead decided to use some of the videos he had in his queue, silently thanking his past self for thinking ahead. Deciding what to do during the day was becoming a rather impossible task, as all he wanted to do was wallow in sorrow in his room the whole day. As he was debating whether he should go shopping or just make himself a sandwich, he heard his computer pipe up. As he silently cursed whoever was calling him at 11 in the morning, his mind stopped mid-curse as he saw who was calling him. _‘Jack’._

Mark was admittedly surprised to see his best friend calling him at such an early hour, but then his mind answered his own question. Right, there was a huge time difference between LA and Ireland. He slowly made his way to his chair, wondering what the Irishman was calling him for.

As Mark pressed the answer button, the smiling face of Jack appeared on the screen. Mark was suddenly reminded of his gigantic crush on the Irishman; not like he would tell him though. The American had tried with all of his might to forget about his crush and have a normal relationship with the green-haired man. It also didn’t help that Jack was currently wearing a beanie with a cute long-sleeved Attack on Titan shirt. Mark was completely smitten by the loud Irishman the day they first met back at PAX. From then on, Mark had tried so hard to hide it, not even telling Ryan and Matt about his colossal crush.

The American quickly snapped out of his trance, covering it up with a happy façade. “Hey Jack! What’s up?” Mark tried his best to not look like he had just been staring at his best friend for a minute or two. “Hey Merk! Just wanted ta know how ya were. Ye’ve been kinda off fer a while, and I wanted ta ask if things were okay?” Jack looked genuinely concerned, and Mark was internally screaming and berating himself for showing any signs of change. “Yeah Jack, things are well. I’m sorry if I came across as off in a bit of my videos, I’ve been sorta heavy on work lately.” Looking at the camera sheepishly, Mark prayed to anything out there for Jack to buy his poor excuse. Jack seemed to buy it, although he had an unreadable expression in his eyes. Making a noise of understanding, Jack grinned that award-winning smile of his. “Okay then, Marki! Anyway, so I bought Dark Souls III yesterday…”

 

A couple of hours later, Mark found himself still talking to the Irishman. His best friend was currently ranting about a few comments he found in his videos and was debating on if he should talk about them in a video. While Jack was speaking, however, Mark found himself getting lost in the endless sea of Jack’s eyes. This whole skype call was a bad decision for his growing crush on the Irishman. While Mark was admiring the now deep blue of Jack’s eyes, the Irishman noticed that his friend wasn’t paying attention, and started to call out to him. “Merk? Hey, Earth to Merk! Are you okay? Do I have somethin’ on my face or somethin’?” Jack was now inspecting himself on the bottom of the screen where his camera showed his face.

Mark suddenly snapped out of his trance and cursed at himself. _‘Dammit! I got distracted again! Keep yourself together, Mark!’_ As Mark tried to compose himself again, another thought suddenly popped into his mind, making him abruptly stop his actions. _‘Jack doesn’t really care about you, so why bother?’_ As if noticing the abrupt change in his friend, Jack looked at Mark with a concerned expression. “Mark? You okay?” Mark, suddenly unable to find any motivation to keep speaking to Jack, instead muttered a quick “goodbye” and clicked out of the window. Shutting off his computer in case Jack tries to call him again, Mark leaned back in his chair.

He knew his thoughts were stupid, but he couldn’t help the feeling of sadness and utter defeat flow through his veins. He felt like crying again, and instead of fighting it like he usually would, he just sat back and let the tears flow. His mind was clouded by the thoughts of Jack leaving him and never looking back. Of his friends and family looking at him in disgust. Of his fans leaving him and hating him. Of failing everyone and not being able to make up for it. _‘It would’ve been best if I just disappeared forever..’_

 

* * *

 

 Mark never thought he would do this _again_ , but here he was, knife in hand, sleeves rolled up, and tears running down his face.


End file.
